The world is upside down.
If you dont believe me consider this: the looming threat of 20% vat on (hot) Cornish pasties, mad March temperatures in Aberdeen to put Crete in the shade, the price of stamps going through the roof, and motorists queueing nationwide to top up their tanks at stratospheric prices in case tanker drivers pull the plug over the forthcoming bank holiday weekend.
Various levels of bonkers, in that order.
Any sensible person knows there are only two things you should ever queue for, namely to place a bet or better still waiting to be paid out!
Its been a crazy week, but happily there are still a few things for punters to be chipper about, with bookmakers constantly pushing the boundaries of value to try and attract new custom, and anyone who followed the tips on this page last Saturday will have had good reason to celebrate, after guest Channel 4 columnist Nick Buzz Lightfoot banged in three winners from just four selections in the style of a man on a mission.
Such was his surgical accuracy I think its inevitable well have to unleash him from the subs bench again over the summer months, though pity his long suffering girlfriend Rachael wholl have had to suffer his smug expression for the rest of the weekend, skipping merrily around their house in his Kauto Star gilet and scarf.
The Channel 4 cameras are spread far and wide this weekend, with live racing from here in Doncaster, Kempton Park, and further afield from Dubais field of dreams Meydan on Saturday afternoon, and though the majority of us are stationed on Town Moor, its a card that makes me feel like id rather feed £20 notes into a shredder than have a bet on it.
The opening day of the Flat, massive fields, difficult to know how far along some of these horses will be in their preparation, plus the fact some havent been seen since November while others have been on the go in Dubai.
Not easy.
One horse who definitely is fit and has recent form to prove it is David Arbuthnots Starluck the classy former hurdler who was second in a Fighting Fifth and a Christmas Hurdle, as well as fifth in the Champion Hurdle in the none too dim and distant past.
He lines up as an 18/1 shot in Kempton Parks Rosebery Handicap over 1m 3f at 3.30pm, and given his fantastic record at the Sunbury track (form figures of 123 over hurdles and 1 on the level) he looks worth a interest each way in a contest with an open feel to it.
Proven on the artificial surface (out of the first two only once in five tries), its hard to forget this horse is still only seven years of age given how many decent races hes played a part in over the sticks.
Tuned up from running in the County Hurdle 15 days ago he has a real chance here the 18s is available each way with Bet365.
At shorter odds another Im looking forward to seeing strut his stuff at Kempton is Richard Faheys talented four year old son of Clodovil called Alben Star, a horse whos been kept on the go over the last three months to good effect, netting a couple of wins at Wolverhampton over six furlongs.
This is his first try at seven furlongs, but the way he won last time strongly suggested there could be a good bit of improvement to come when his shrewd trainer chose to up him in distance.
Lets hope this is the day.
Strictly on figures he has a little bit to find with both Primaeval and Palace Moon (who bled last time), but hes the younger and less exposed horse, and as such rates a bet at 5/2 with Paddy Power.
They race over the sticks at Navan, Uttoxeter and Stratford, and at the last named venue Im looking forward to seeing East Midlands trainer John Mackies Knight In Purple line up in the extended two mile 0-135 handicap hurdle at 3.55pm.
This horse has hit form with a vengeance at this time of year three seasons on the bounce, notably 12 months ago when wins at Chepstow and Haydock were followed by a second in the Swinton Hurdle off 129.
Lining up here off 123 with his riders claim also to be taken into consideration he has to be considered on ground he loves with that in mind ive backed him each way at 13/2 with Paddy Power.
The longest short straws in the world have been drawn by Channel 4 reporters Mike Cattermole and Simon Holt, both of whom find themselves sunbathing in Dubai prior to the World Cup card at Meydan on Saturday night.
Actually I think theyve hard to work non-stop since getting off the plane, but I also think theyll be watching Aidan OBriens class act St Nicholas Abbey do the business in the Sheema Classic (run at 6.00pm UK time).
A winner of the Breeders Cup Turf back in November, he comes here off a break of 147 days, and is a seriously good hose when fresh as proved by his Chester romp in the Ormonde Stakes last May.
His principal danger appears to be Cirrus Des Aigles for France, but all his best form is at ten furlongs, and at 100/30 with William Hill id far rather be with St Nicholas Abbey.
Finally, though its Steve Claridges job to come up with the football tips on this site, thanks to eagle-eyed Lord Culcheth theres one price that simply has to be taken while it lasts
The early Sky game at 1.30pm on Sunday sees in form Newcastle United host Liverpool in the North East.
The Geordies are going great guns and comfortably saw off West Brom last weekend, with two more goals from transfer window signing Papiss Cisse, plus a dazzling display of trickery from former Marseille man Hatem Ben Arfa.
They occupy sixth spot and have only lost two at home, while the team they host are on a horrible run and have lost four of their last six.
Despite their Carling Cup success Liverpool are struggling to find any consistency under Kenny Dalglish, got turned over at home to struggling Wigan last Saturday, and with one eye on their FA Cup semi against Everton in two weeks could easily slip up again here.
Its not as though itd be a huge surprise Liverpool are eight points below Newcastle in the table and have a goal difference of minus two away from home.
What is a huge surprise though is that bookmakers have seen fit to make the scousers favourites across the board for one of the toughest away games of the season id have the prices the other way around so the 21/10 about a home win with BetVictor should be taken while it lasts.
